


I Feel Like I Could Start to Understand Your Grace

by PornyZiallFeels



Series: Man! I feel like a woman [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, Girl! Louis, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-25
Updated: 2012-11-25
Packaged: 2017-11-19 12:49:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/573433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PornyZiallFeels/pseuds/PornyZiallFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis and Harry have dated for the better part of One Direction's 3 years of success but when Louis suddenly wakes up with breasts and no penis Harry isn't so interested anymore & Louis turns to the least likely band member for comfort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Feel Like I Could Start to Understand Your Grace

Liam had been in the middle of an episode of _Diners, Drive-Ins, & Dives_ when there was suddenly an incessant knock at his front door. Brow furrowed, because he wasn’t expecting anyone round that evening he struggled to free his body from the bum eating monster known as his favorite lazy chair, infamous for swallowing you up like quicksand, it was a full body work out trying to get up from it. Once out of the chair’s clutches he made his way to the door and opened it to reveal a small girl, no _woman_ who at first he thinks may be lost or a fan, but then he notices just how composed she is—so maybe not a fan.

As it was she just stood there staring at him, as if waiting for recognition to read on his face, which makes him blush because he isn’t as innocent as everyone thinks and he has had his fair share (though his list is considerably shorter than the others) of one night stands and maybe she was one of them?

Finally she makes an annoyed noise in the back of her throat and pushes past him into his flat without a word and now Liam is truly concerned  because should he call security?

It’s at this thought that he freezes, because they’re pretty famous now to the point that they’ve all acquired large houses, which shamelessly could be featured on an episode of MTV cribs, security gates included and she’s somehow managed to guess his code because here she was.

“Excuse me?” He finally asks for lack of anything else to say and the girl is sitting on his sofa, face buried in her hands and now Liam is truly concerned because could she be pregnant, would they need to go on the Maury show for a paternity test or something? He’s just gone into an inner panic, picturing the awful scene where he is on Maury wiping sweaty palms on his jeans as he awaits the results, imagines the disapproval on his mum and dad’s faces when he is interrupted by a quiet voice:

“Liam, it’s me.” She says suddenly without further explanation.

“Um?” Now she looks up and desperate blue eyes are boring into his and he gasps, incredulously because what he is thinking is completely impossible, but what else could be happening here?

“Louis?” He cautions, with a lopsided grin to show that he’s still not completely convinced, that he still half expects the real Louis to pop out of his hiding spot and shout “gotcha” any minute now.

“Ding ding ding.” Liam stumbles down into a chair before his legs can buckle beneath him.

“What? How? What?” The girl scoffs and makes a face that is just so _Louis_ that Liam almost chokes on his own spit because shit just got fucking real.

“That’s exactly what Harry said when he woke up beside me a couple of weeks ago.

“Oh.”  Liam says and doesn’t even question why he is just now being let in on the situation even though Louis has apparently been a girl for several weeks now.

“Yeah and you know how he’s claimed to be bi and in love with me all these years? Well it turns out neither of them are as true as he’d have you believe because not only did my lack of dick scare off his gay ass but apparently my dick was all he actually _loved_ about me and so we’ve broken up for good this time.” It’s horrible that the first thought Liam has is why _him_ , why was Louis here telling _him_ all of this.

XXX

Louis and Harry have been dating for the better part of one direction’s 3 years of success, but lately they’ve been fighting more and more about the smallest dumbest things and Harry always goes to Nick or Niall and Louis has got Zayn and Stan so that they always come back together after a short while, but that also means that more times than not Liam is left out of the loop on the Larry drama by not being one of the designated “confidants”

Because truth be told Liam and Louis are the least closest in the group, starting from back in the x factor days when Louis was this tornado and Liam could barely hold on when around him. He mostly stayed to himself and occasionally the equally quiet and reserved Zayn. He and Niall bonded when the Irish boy was really home sick and Liam could sympathize and Harry has just never met a soul that he couldn’t charm into liking him so they got along fine as well, but with Louis he’d never known what to say and could never quite keep up with him.

Sure they did things together, because they were bandmates and didn’t _hate_ each other so they went skydiving, surfing and bike riding together because no one else was interested but conversation was limited to mostly Louis talking and Liam nodding along and trying to follow the frenzied way Louis switched conversation topics.

XXX

“I’ve got a bag, out there on your porch if you don’t mind me staying for a while, just until I’m me again…” Again Liam is struck with the question of why _here_ , why with _him_ but of course he stays silent because he is daddy direction and his concern for his friend outweighs  his confusion  as to why he’s chosen to go through all of this with him of all people.

 

XXX

 

“If you don’t mind me asking…how did, I mean have you any idea how you came to have…” Liam struggled to find the right words to ask the question that would be on any sane person’s mind in his shoes quite frankly.

“How’d I end up with a vagina?” Louis says brazenly waving a hand around his crotch area. Liam was sure he was turning a lovely shade of purple he was blushing so hard, but he managed to nod his head.

“Well you see it all started when Niall asked us to come down to Mullingar for the weekend and go to a Derby County vs. Manchester United game because you know how passionate the rivalry is between him and Harry.”  Louis paused to roll her eyes, playing with the fraying ends of her loose t-shirt.

“But I wanted to stay home and _finally_ pick out a goddamn paint color for the bedroom…I mean it’s been 6 months already since we’ve bought the new house and we have yet to decide on a fucking color for the walls of any of the rooms, so we made a bet and long story short…I lost.” She blushed and Liam has a feeling the so called bet was of the sexual variety.

“We were kind of tipsy after the match so we decided to walk all the way to Niall’s house and we passed by this bush of berries and they looked like tiny inverted strawberries and I was starving so I asked Niall if they were poisonous. He said no, but that he didn’t recommend I eat ‘em _because strange things are known to happen to people once they do_ …you know old Irish folklore. And me being me and pretty fucking drunk threw two up in the air, catching them in my mouth and they were so fucking delicious Li…I popped another handful into my mouth before Harry finally pulled me away, tugging me in the way of home because he was cold and I didn’t even realize it but I was shivering myself. So we get to Niall’s and go to bed in the guest room and when I woke up the next morning I had breasts and no penis. That was almost 2weeks ago.”

XXX

So Louis stays and things are awkward because Louis was a very attractive man, but he makes for an absolutely _gorgeous_ woman and Liam can’t help but think that the Frankie Sanford comparison’s hadn’t done Louis any justice at all because Frankie couldn’t hold a candle to Louis whose legs didn’t stop, whose breasts were full and that ass…no words could be used to describe the perfection that was the _Tomlinsontush_ but for some odd reason she didn’t seem to know it, like as confident as Louis could be she seemed so awkward in her new skin. She didn’t even bother to change her wardrobe, lounging around in shirts that had been fitted when she lacked breasts but were now obscenely tight, and her tight pants no longer fit her so she had to borrow sweatpants and loose basketball shorts from Liam or just walked around in her boxers.

It’s been a week since Louis had showed up at his door and they’re flipping through the TV channels aimlessly when Harry’s face suddenly flashes across the screen and Louis is yelling for him to switch back so he does and they listen as the leggy blonde TV host informs them of  Harry and Nick’s recent courtship, and there are tons of pictures of them leaning close to one another in dark corners of clubs and restaurants, just the two of them and they know better than anyone that seeing isn’t always believing because any asshole with a computer and photo editing program can make something _look_ a certain way and Harry and Nick have always been _close_.

 

But before Liam can say any of this Louis is texting Harry, her fingers flying across the keys of her blackberry. Liam holds his breath and waits for the telltale chime that Louis’ received a new text.

When The Fray ringtone rings out and he sees Louis’ face drop, her body literally sinking into itself as she all but throws her cell to the opposite end of the couch, shoulder’s quaking with the sobs tearing themselves from her throat.

XXX

 

Apparently Harry was so hard up for dick that he slept with Nick Grimshaw, was _sleeping_ with him.

“He thinks he’s in love…did I even matter to him Li?”

Without thinking Liam is there, pulling Louis’ small frame to him, burying his face in her hair as he speaks into the soft tresses, and assures her that of course she mattered to Harry, that Harry loved her, that he was just confused and of course it wasn’t right, but then nothing about this really was, now was it?

They avoid gossip/entertainment shows that broadcast the progression of boybander Harry Styles and the radio dj Nick’s relationship every 20 minutes from then on.

XXX

When Danielle drops by one day out of the blue she is confused by the girl in guy’s clothing on Liam’s couch and raises a single eyebrow in question. Louis blushes, having completely forgotten about Liam’s girlfriend, and how this must look from her end so without thinking she is blurting the entire ordeal to the curly topped dancer and by the end Danielle is clicking her tongue in sympathy and eyeing Louis down like she’s her newest project, Louis barely has time to throw on one of Liam’s baggier hoodies before she is being dragged to the mall to find her some girl clothes.

They return with bagfuls of bras and panties and skirts, even a pair of heels or two— _all the necessities_ Danielle had claimed before giving Louis’s shoulder a friendly squeeze and asked if she could speak with Liam alone for a bit. Sparing Lou a cursory glance Liam nodded and led Dani back into his bedroom, shutting the door behind them.

XXX

Louis in girl’s clothes.

This new development complicates things because now Louis is actually _dressing_ the part and that was apparently the thing missing before that made Louis feel so foreign in her own skin, but now that she actually dresses like a girl she’s no longer satisfied staying indoors and shying her new body away from the world. She’s caught a bad case of cabin fever and it was driving Liam mad in the process.

Because gone were the boxers and baggy t-shirts she used to lounge around in, replaced with short mesh pants and spaghetti strapped tank tops that fit like a second skin leaving little to the imagination. And she makes Liam take her places now like the movies, restaurants, and just to have a walk around a park.

With all their recording for the 3rd album done long before Louis’ _transformation_ management has them doing promo for their upcoming tour despite Louis being “sick” so that the band can stay relevant to the public so they’re photographed together quite often and suddenly the tabloids are going on about Liam and a mysterious brunette who isn’t Danielle and that’s when Louis realizes she hasn’t seen Dani since the time she took Louis shopping. So she asks Liam about it one night during a commercial break from _Being Human_. Liam shrugs and swallows the mouthful of popcorn he’d just shoveled into his gob.

“Erm, we kind of took a break…indefinitely.”

“What? Wait you broke up? When?”

“Couple of months ago actually, we thought it’d be wiser to stay ‘together’ for appearances and we’re still really good friends but the other day when she came by and we disappeared into my bedroom it’s because she told me that she’s finally met someone and she’d like an official, pubic break up.”

“Oh Li…” Louis started, but Liam waved her off.

“It’s alright really. She’s happy, so I’m happy you know?”

XXX

 

Things change now that Liam is single, Louis is always hanging off him, touching him, or finding any excuse to cuddle up to him. Not that she really needed one, she was _Louis_ after all. This kind of behavior isn’t exactly odd for the blue eyed brunette, she’s always been affectionate by nature, but not usually with _him_ and now that Louis is a girl, Liam would be lying if he denied being attracted to her, who the media has dubbed ‘Little Frankie (because she legit looked like a younger Frankie Sanford)

Then one night Louis drags him out to the Funky Buddha and Louis doesn’t know her new body’s drinking limit so she gets trashed entirely too quickly and ends up coming onto Liam:

Louis had pulled Liam out into the middle of the dance floor, her hands roaming over his body uninhibited, Liam blushed and tried batting her hands away when they cupped his bum or tried trailing themselves down the zipper fly of his jeans. Louis would just throw her head back and laugh exposing the creamy tanned skin of her neck, which Liam literally had to bite his lip to keep his tongue from licking. Then she’d be back in his personal space, face serious and determined as she brought her arms up to hook around the back of his neck, trying to bring him forward and down to her lips. Chuckling nervously Liam turned his head at the last minute so that she kissed the shell of his ear instead.

Making this obscenely sexy noise in protest, Louis finally blew out a frustrated breath that reeked of the fruit and alcohol that made up the six or so drinks she had consumed that night and brought a hand up to his chest where she quick as a rabbit grabbed one of his nipples and gave it a vicious twist, which she was oft to do before the sex change. Yelping Liam rubbed at the tender part of his chest and with his focus now elsewhere Louis took this as her chance and surged up to kiss his lips.

She was so fast and eager that their teeth clinked harshly and she blushed slightly at the amateur move but didn’t let it dissuade her from trying again this time when their lips met it was gentler, sweeter and Liam had no choice but to kiss her back.

They kissed for a long time no longer even dancing just kissing out in the middle of the dance floor, warm bodies grazing them every so often as the club goers continued to dance around them. Finally after what felt like ages, Louis pulled back and met Liam’s eyes pupils dilated the size of saucers as she licked his taste from her lips.  Liam followed her tongue’s movement like a hawk.

“Can we, wanna get out of here? Please?” Liam knew exactly what she had in mind and he also knew that he should say no because they were bandmates, because Harry was his friend, because Louis was probably still rebounding…but Louis was digging her nails into his back in an effort to deepen the kiss and she was wearing this form fitting red skirt with the sexy black pumps that Danielle insisted she buy, so in the end his want, his _need_ for the beauty in front of him won out and he licked his own kiss swollen lips and nodded.

“Yeah, yeah come on.”

XXX

 

They stumbled out of the cab and straight into his bedroom. Kissing the entire way but when they entered the room Louis suddenly pushed Liam away from her practically prancing to the bed she sat herself on the end of it and made sure that she had all of Liam’s attention on her when she slid up to the head of the bed, eyes hooded, lip caught between her teeth. Liam’s breath hitched in his throat at the sight. 

Having reached her destination Louis crooked her index finger at him and Liam moved as if being pulled by some invisible string to the bed, kneeling on it he crawled until he was almost straddling her legs, when a heel covered foot came up to halt him. He looked up confused until she nodded to the clasp of her shoe, wiggling her toes.  Understanding read on his face as he gripped her tiny ankle in his left hand and undid the semi-complicated buckle at the side of her shoe. She watched the delicate way he held her and hissed a little impatiently.

 Liam couldn’t even try to hide his smirk as he pulled the pump from her foot and let it drop off the side of the bed with a soft thud. Louis helpfully switched legs and watched as yet again Liam struggled slightly to undo the clasp, his tongue even peeking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. She couldn’t help but let a little giggle escape from her mouth and Liam made a face, all but throwing the second shoe to join the first his mouth turned up wickedly as he left both his hands on her ankle, letting them trail up her smooth silky leg to land on her thigh.

Needless to say she wasn’t giggling any more , in fact he wasn’t even sure she was breathing as he crawled his way up her body, a knee on either side of her and his hands hovering mid thigh where her skirt ended, as if waiting for permission. Huffing out a breath in frustration she pulled an annoyed face and widened her legs, giving him all the _permission_ he needed. He slid his hands up under her skirt, biting his lip at the warmth of her inner thighs moving up further they gasped simultaneously as he pressed the heel of his hand against her. She moaned and pressed up into his hand for more pressure, so eager and already soaking through the silk panties she’d opted to wear that night.

It was then that it occurred to his booze filled brain that of course she was eager she was technically a virgin, all these sensations familiar but new all at the same time.

“I’m going to make it so good for you Lou, just you wait.” He whispered in a voice that was not his own, he’d never sounded so guttural, so raw with want. It kind of reminded him of the ‘batman voice’ if he was being entirely honest, biting his lip to keep from saying that out loud, Liam brought his hands up to the waistband of her skirt working it down and off her hips, Louis made an angry noise and before he knew it she was pushing her underwear down as well, kicking them off with a simple flick of her ankle, lying back on the pillows smugly, she raised an eyebrow at him, as if to say: _your move._

Raising both his own eyebrows in surprise, Liam dove between her legs without any preamble whatsoever. He flicked his tongue out to tease at her clit and she whined closing her thighs tight at the sides of Liam’s head in surprise. Liam laughed against her lips tickling her sides until she loosened her hold once more.

“Nuh, uh we’ll have none of that.” He chuckled in that same throaty voice that literally made Louis’ toes curl. He moved to mouth her once more twisting his tongue in slow deliberate circles that he knew would drive her mad with desire. She whimpered with need as her hips began to move with his tongue’s motions.

“Please Li, please.” She finally begged sheets now fisted in her hands. He brought his right hand up to her folds and dipped a tentative finger in. That was all it took to drive her over the edge for her first orgasm.

As her body trembling with after tremors Liam entered another finger and began gently scissoring her open, not even letting her come down from her high. She made this insanely hot mewling noise, head thrashing on the pillow in pleasure causing Liam to palm himself through his jeans with his free hand, humming against her clit.

“Leeeeeyum.” She hissed, hips bucking up of their own accord as she came for the second time. Liam was about to add a third finger, to get her properly ready for his girth when she was suddenly pulling at his hair, bringing his eyes up to meet hers.

“Don’t you dare, I want you in me, now.”

“But I…”

“ _Now_.” He could tell she was slightly weakened from her orgasms but the fire was still in her eyes even if her voice maybe lacked its earlier conviction.

“If you’re sure…” He hesitated a beat, until she shot him a heated look and he rose up onto his elbows to reach into his bedside table draw for a condom, as he did this Louis pulled her halter up and over her head, before tugging at the sleeve of Liam’s own t-shirt. Condom in hand he ducked his head so that she could pull it from his body.

Gripping the condom between his teeth, he went to work at ridding his body of his jeans and briefs with his now free hands. Louis watched him with curious eyes, which widened at the sight of him, she smiled pleased and shocked him by taking him in her hand and giving him three expert tugs before she was leaning forward to take him into her mouth.

Liam groaned (the condom long fallen to the bed) at the sudden wet heat that engulfed him, peeking down to watch the way her thin lips stretched around him, it was all too much and before she’d really even started Liam was shutting his eyes tight and pushing her shoulders slightly for her to back off. Sitting up concerned she shot him a confused/hurt look. Liam sighed; shaking his head he took her face in his hands and kissed her hotly.

“S’good, so very good Lou. I’m just not gonna last very long as it is…” She smirked in realization.

“Want you in me so fucking bad.” She said and those dirty words coupled with the sight of her lying back with her legs spread obscenely wide and waiting for him, Liam was tearing the wrapper of the condom open with his teeth and rolling it over his dick in record time.

Nudging his way between her legs he kept eye contact with her as he slowly entered her.  She moaned at the feeling of being filled to the hilt. He groaned at the snug heat surrounding him and he didn’t give her much time to adjust to him before he began rocking into her, not really pulling out all that far before he was sliding back in, she dug her nails into his back, mouth shaped in a silent O when he suddenly changed angles on her, hitting something akin to her old body’s prostate

“There, oh god _there_!” She shrieked, throwing her head back. Liam angled himself just right so that he jabbed her in that spot several times before his breathing quickened and his thrusts lost their rhythm.

“You’re so beautiful Lou, want you so much…not gonna last.” He growled nonsense into the side of her neck, biting down hard enough to leave a mark as he came.

XXX

Things should be awkward in the morning when they’re clutching at their pounding heads and maybe there’s a split second where Liam has trouble meeting Louis’ eyes but the fiery brunette quickly puts a stop to that by gripping Liam by the chin and manually bringing his eyes up to her own. She smiles fondly at him before leaning forward and bringing their lips together and even though she’s sorer than a motherfucker and she swears that she’s never drinking another sip of alcohol, if only to herself she can’t remember the last time she was this happy. Liam blushes but kisses her back fiercely and thinks that maybe they’re going to be ok.

XXX

It’s been just over a month since Louis’ spontaneous sex change and at least two weeks since they’ve been together and Liam thought he knew love, with Dani and with the other girls before her but they’ve never made his entire body breakout in goose bumps with just a look, didn’t make his heart thud with the slightest of touches, innocent or not. So even though the fans were growing a little restless for Louis to get _better_ and for their tour to finally begin, things couldn’t be better for the two.

So it kind of comes as a kick in the face when they’re awoken from their afternoon nap by a pounding on the door. Semi alarmed, because he wasn’t expecting any company Liam dressed quickly in boxers and yesterday’s t-shirt and made his way to the door. With a slight feeling of déjà vu he opened it to find a red eyed, puffy faced Harry.

Liam tries to usher Harry in and the younger boy looks like he just might take him up on the offer when something draws his attention behind Liam and Liam suddenly feels Louis, pressing at his side and she’s dressed in nothing but one of Liam’s jumpers which is three times too big for her tiny frame and there are telltale marks all along her neck and collarbone, peeking out from the V-neck of the sweater, turning Liam absolutely red with embarrassment. Harry steps back instead as if struck and squints distrusting eyes at Liam.

“Can we talk?” He says simply, looking solely at Louis who takes a deep breath and nods, disappearing into the bedroom she comes back wearing jeans, but is still in his jumper.

Her hand grazes his side as she passes him on her way out the door but that’s all. Doesn’t offer him a goodbye, I’ll be back, _nothing_. Just follows Harry to his car and Liam is left standing in the doorway of his home watching the taillights disappear down the road.

XXX

 

Liam doesn’t expect Louis to come home that night, and it’s pathetic that he instantly winces because he’s so far gone that he’s already referring to his house as their _home_ , when at that moment Harry was probably begging for Louis to forgive and take him back and it’s always been Harry for Lou—he’ll always come _first._

Liam has been on the cusp of sleep for hours now, but at two in the morning he feels the bed dip behind him as Louis climbs in and wraps her arms around him, pulling Liam close and snuffling her nose into the back of his neck.

“I know you’re not sleeping.” She says, which is a side effect of being intimate with someone. Liam sighed and turned in Louis’ arms so they now faced one another.

“What’s up?” She asked, so casually it made Liam’s chest ache. He sighed again and remembered that he once told a fan that you had to _live hardcore to be hardcore,_ so taking his own advice he decided not to draw this out any further. Speaking more to her bare shoulder—she must’ve stripped her clothes off before joining him in bed.

“Didn’t think you’d be coming home tonight.” Louis craned her neck back uncomfortably, trying to catch his eye. Liam finally relented. Louis clucked her tongue at him.

“Haz just wanted to talk, it turns out Nick is just about as loyal as Harry was to me because he walked in on Nick with some young model…we’re not getting back together but I’ll _always_ love him you know? And he needed me tonight, that’s all.” Liam shrugged; because he loved Harry too after all.

XXX

They make slow, passionate love that night and in the morning Liam sneaks out of bed early enough to cook Louis breakfast. Pancakes, bacon and home fries—the works! He’s just mixed the pancake batter and is trying to decide whether to add blueberries or chocolate chips when Louis shuffles into the kitchen in boxers and a t-shirt. Liam has to do a double take when he sees _him_.

“So, I got my dick back.” Louis provides hesitantly to gauge Liam’s reaction. His teeth are practically gnawing at his bottom lip. Liam makes a show of looking at Louis’ crotch and smirks with a nod. Louis nods too, staring at a point on the wall just over Liam’s shoulder, still chewing nervously on his lip.

“I supposed I should be going…” He started, but was interrupted by Liam.

“Would you like chocolate chips or blueberries in your pancakes babe?” Louis gasps in surprise and lets out a wet, coughing laugh, discreetly wiping a stubborn tear from his eyes as he grinned.

“Chocolate chips sound divine, love.” Liam nods and turns back to drop a few chips into the batter. Louis meanwhile comes up behind him and hugs him. Hooking his chin over Liam’s shoulder and kissing the side of his neck. Liam turned his head and caught Louis’ mouth with his, causing the smaller boy to make a pleased noise and nibble lightly on Liam’s lips before releasing him to his cooking.

“I love you, you know.” Louis whispered against his skin and sure he’s said it plenty of times during and after they’ve made love but this is the first time Louis’ just said it…for no reason other than because it’s true and he’s him again and all Liam can do is smile like an idiot and flip his pancakes before they burn and if his voice is a little choked up when he whispers that he loves him too, well it’s just cause it’s a little bit too smoky in the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first hand at the tricky subject of gender swap haha. It was actually quite hard writing a het sex scene lol, so it might read sort of awkwardly? Idk you be the judge.
> 
> Got struck with this bunny after reading Baddest In The Game by monscandal which is written significantly better with way hotter sex scenes but seriously i will be tearing my hair out of my head soon if the 3rd & final part of that story never gets posted :( *pokes monscandal*


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